After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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