hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
