i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
