i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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