he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize