Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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