oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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