Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
