Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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