Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
