a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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