Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
