ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Of course I have a pirate flag
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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