Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You are the jesus of drinking
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
