why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
