I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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