maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
