sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
