I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
