Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
