i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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