So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
