I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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