Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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