when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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