kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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