Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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