Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
