I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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