3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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