Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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