Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
how can u be prego again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
