Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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