It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
