Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
