No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
