it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
why is half of my head shaved?
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