you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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