this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
