Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
