His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
