Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
did you just send me my own nude
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
