haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
