Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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