Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
