my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
