She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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