So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
