I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize