you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
