i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
