I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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