PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
