An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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