Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
