the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dicks are not precious.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
