and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
