I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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