Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
