I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
