They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
