is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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