I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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