You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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