How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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