I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
