You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
