we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
