Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
