How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
