I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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