Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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