i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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