You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
