Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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