when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
