So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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