Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
