Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
