she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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