didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
