After last night, I could never be a politician.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
