i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
