I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
