first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
