Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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