the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
