Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
