Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
