about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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