dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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